Oh, I know what you are probably thinking.

However, I am not referring to that four-letter word that is used in a derogatory sense. I am writing about the longer one that may inspire even the laziest of us to lace up our sneakers and hit the road. The word that we want to run away from as soon as it passes through another’s lips. The word that causes some of us to begin sweating, trembling, or other various undesirable responses.

If you haven’t already guessed it, this c-word is commitment.

“I need a commitment from you.”

We are asked to commit in many different forms-to others, to ourselves, to our work, to
causes-to name a few.

Commitment can be difficult for some people and virtually impossible for others.

How often do we turn away from things at the first sign of souring?

“Well, it was fun while it lasted, but I don’t need this ...”

Perhaps we shy away from new experiences in life solely because of our fears of rejection
or failure.

“This just isn’t for me,” or “I could never do that”

It is easy to make excuses for our lack of commitments.

“Just this once won’t hurt.”

Some of us are great at commitment in some areas of our lives and then not so great in
others.

Some of us blame our families or ”exes” for our own commitment shirking roles in society
And there are, of course, many reasons why we can’t keep our commitments.

I believe, however, that there is an important key that we are missing when we talk
about strengthening our commitment abilities. There is something that is not typically
mentioned by most self-help guides when talking about this word. So, let me talk about
the problem and a solution.

The problem:

Our clothes are too tight and our breathing is restricted.

What?! There is no correlation. That is absurd.

My dear fellow commitment-phobes, please allow me to explain further.

According to ancient texts, the navel is the sacred center of our body relating to our
ability to keep commitments- to ourselves and to others. It is the center of the body that
houses the fire that burns off toxins that make their way into our bodies. It is this fire
energy that fuels our lives and ignites our passions.

If our clothes are restrictive and we are also holding in our bellies to look more fit, then
how can we possibly breathe properly?

How can we breathe into our navels to inspire our purpose in life?

We are literally cutting off our life force.

The navel center was our original connection to our mothers. We received our life and
nourishment from our mother through our navel. When we are born, this part of us is
severed. If we begin to open up this area of our body again through focused breathing
and attention, we can awaken the dormant feelings of being whole and abundant within,
rather than seeking outside sources for pleasure, self-esteem, energy, and security.

If our fires have no room to breathe, they are quickly doused and squeezed to extinction.
Addictions are related to the fire aspect of our bodies as well. If our bodies are not
already producing natural “fire”, then we must give them a boost artificially. I don’t think
I even need to list here the many ways we can fire ourselves up artificially- whether it be
to feel good, to have courage, or to just have energy to get through the day,

And now the solution:

The next time that you are desperately wanting to break your commitment, or feel reluctant
to make one in the first place, try this experiment.

Pause for a moment,

Focus on your breathing,

Breathe deeply,

Allow your glorious belly to expand,

Enjoy the feeling of your belly,

Repeat and repeat again, and again (until the cravings or feelings subside)

Connect with that sacred center that ignites our lives just by focusing on deepening
your breath.

Oh, and loosening up the belt a few notches might not hurt either.

when he insists on wearing a tuxedo and red cowboy boots to recycle corrugated cardboard!!!

; )
Deborah

I had been intending to write again for almost a year, but I hadn’t been able to find the words. The creative faucet was shut off completely-not even a drip. When I finally got the courage to sit, and be patient for the writing to flow, I turned up something of an article, but it barely skimmed the surface of my skin.

Now I find myself sitting barefoot and cross- legged on a picnic table by the gulf, seagulls calling out overhead, sunshine blessing me with its magnificent presence, bathing my skin in light. I prepare myself to write, but the original ideas that arise in my mind transform as the pen meets the paper.

I began 2006 creating a quote, that, in my eyes, represented the personal and spiritual work into which I’d poured my heart the past few years.
“You must first embrace yourself in the darkness before you can then step out into the light.“
Apparently the Universe heard me and took this as a request, deciding to give me this lesson again- something had been left undone.
“Excuse me, but I believe I’ve already peeled this onion. We worked on this the last few years,“ I began respectfully.
And as the year wore on, “Uh, when does this ride stop please? I’d like to get off now.”
And even later with a certain sarcasm, “Are you kidding me?”

I had great intentions and aspirations. My ego was attached to a certain outcome, and I imagined the year unfolding effortlessly. Instead, I found myself plunging into the darkness of my soul.

I would revisit some of my familiar haunts during the year-those parts of me that I had previously despised ,but assumed I had, in fact, learned to love and forgive.
The court was in session and I spent my time confused and divided between the roles of judge, jury, defender, and condemned.
"Why was I being pushed back into this sea, feeling like I was lost without a life jacket?”
Everything I thought I knew was challenged and tested- my ego reeling and my head spinning from it all.

The topic of my writing is love-I will write about how we, as humans, love those people that are easy to love, but leave out the one’s who are difficult. The “Sure, I love everyone, except…“ experience that almost all humans share to some degree whether we care to admit this or not.
“Can you take that person for whom you struggle to love and really feel love for them in your heart?” I imagine writing.
And then I pause, and all of the year comes flooding back to me-my lesson from the Universe comes into sharp focus.
“Maybe it’s me I need to love-maybe it’s my difficult parts that I need to send love to and that I haven’t really done this yet. I may have done the legwork, but not the feeling part. I haven’t really been feeling the love now, have I?”
“Can I reach down into the depths of my soul to those scary spots that I would much rather repress?” I wonder.

Through these personal trials, I had started to question everything.
I became increasingly agitated by spirituality and words used to describe it.
But I continued, in spite of my growing cynicism, because somewhere inside of me I believed- there was still a flicker. I continued to practice , to read spiritual texts, to meditate, to perform asanas, to breathe, to affirm, to chant, to get on my knees, to gain support and camaraderie from spiritual communities and friends, to be in nature, and to utilize energy therapies and alignments. I persisted when I didn’t feel like it. At times, I would walk the talk and, at others, I would fall back into my “not- so-divine” patterns.

And then something began to happen, to shift. I could feel the tipping point coming, but I wasn’t exactly clear which way I was going to tip. I could feel the rising cynicism in myself, but I could also see that proverbial light at the end of the tunnel.

It was around this time that I became aware of a healer. As trusted others spoke of her and their experience, I intuitively knew I had to see her- and immediately. I knew this was a vital step for me. So I went. Skeptical and discerning on the one hand, but ready and open on the other. To put into words everything that happened that day would feel impossible. This amazing woman was a conduit and I had prepared all year for this-or perhaps a lifetime. I felt waves begin to rise up from my core-deep, and powerful. And in the stillness in between each wave, I touched God, and She held my hand and She was a part of me. And everything, and I mean everything, was okay in those precious in-between moments. A profound peace, a calm silence. Waves rising, crashing, and surrendering. I was no longer skeptical, and I was no longer afraid.

And again my intuition spoke, and it whispered that I wasn’t quite finished yet.

I still carried some agitation towards spiritual words. I felt if I heard divine, universe, or karma in a sentence again, especially if it came out of my mouth, I might just be sick. And then I actually was. For three days. Only able to arise for the most basic human needs. As suddenly as it all came on, it dissipated -into stillness; and it created an open space. The same still and open space that I felt in my healing session. And it was in that space that I felt love and acceptance. I didn’t know love and acceptance. I felt it, and that was the difference. In that space, I understood that what I felt was not coming from a book, a movie, an article, a lecture, a teacher, a therapy session, or a relationship. Those could all be powerful guideposts., but only for me to experience first -hand and in my own time. I knew to truly be open to life, to touch and love others’ souls, I first had to touch and embrace my own-not just the beautiful parts but the hard to handle one’s too.
How could I write an article about loving others when I hadn’t fully extended open arms around myself?

I am finishing my article, stretching my arms, listening to the waves gently crashing, wiggling my bare toes, and gazing up at the sky. And in that inspiring moment I am rendered breathless. What my eyes behold is an airplane trail, creating a perfect X and alongside it a cloud formation in the form of a perfect O. The joining of matter (prakriti) and spirit (purusha), Heaven and Earth. And I know, in that instant that I am loved as the Universe signs the open sky-
X & O, my dear child.
X & O.

The evening transitions fully and deeply into night. A certain darkness is cast, yet I'm sensing the new moon with all of its possibilities for new beginnings and fresh starts. I am driving by a presumably empty house on the corner that I have been watching for a few months now with curious, piqued interest. Because of my familiarity with the route, my driving takes on a dreamy quality as I appreciate the smell of the air coming through my open window.

I've been noticing the energy of this house shift for several months now. This little house on the corner has stood alone for a while, empty with no life or movement. I heard of the passing of the former owner and noticed a sign quickly went up in its yard, the house looking as if it had been spruced up a bit for the hopeful, quick sale.

But this cosmetic fix did not make up for the lack of energy and light being emitted from its interior.

I continued to feel the house's emptiness, loneliness, and sadness each time I would drive by. As I approached the house on this particular night I noticed a striking difference -the sign was missing from the front yard, and I noticed the interior lights were bright. There were no curtains yet, and my inquisitiveness led me to look as I coasted to the corner stop sign.

There was life in the house.

I imagined hearing the voices, in this newly re-inhabited house, echoing off the bare walls and floors that would soon be filled with new energy and circulation to soak up the emptiness.

I saw boxes stacked and the shadows of movement. So as not to look too long and be spying, I moved on, but my thoughts of the house and its new owners stayed with me. And I remembered... all of the times I have moved. A feeling of familiarity to the moving process washed over me at that moment. And I suspected what these people might be experiencing on this night, as they were moving in.

I imagined the unsettled feeling-it's not home yet, there is so much to do, eating pizza from boxes on the floor, stopping at convenience stores for basic necessities before you can actually make the trip to the market, sitting down amongst many heavily-taped boxes, imagining the possibilities but not knowing how or where everything would end up, wondering about the surroundings and neighborhood. The excitement ,but also the fear, of the unknown and change.

And at that moment, I saw the house as I saw myself.

I have spent much of my life feeling like the empty house.

Bare, hollow, vacant, lonely, awkward, and uncomfortable in my own skin.

Living in my head, but not in my soul.

It seems that some time between childhood and adulthood, we tend to leave our bodies for awhile- typically, because of emotional, mental, and physical pain, or for ego-centered reasons. And then we are faced with the challenge of learning how to inhabit our bodies again, to turn the lights back on that have burned out since childhood.

But this is no easy task-this moving in, unpacking, and unfamiliarity with ourselves.

It wasn't until I began to immerse myself into yoga and all of its many layers that I finally began moving in again and unpacking. And what a task this has been-bit by bit, I've unpacked. Some areas have been dusty with lots of cobwebs and some areas definitely needed to be discarded (I was still holding onto them for dear life), and some seem perfect and beautiful just the way they are-in their bare and raw simplicity.
I continue on the journey of settling into myself and am now able to feel the courage to reach out to others, to take risks, to live fully and to appreciate my life and its lessons in whatever form they present themselves. I realize there will always be unpacking and moving and change, even if I never again move my residence in this lifetime.

As my consciousness grows and my awareness unfolds I realize the lights are finally on,

my hearth is lit, my door is open, and

- someone is always home.